Okay so. There's this guy.

I met him in the strangest way. See, around September/October time, one of my e-friends (Brandon) showed me a picture of themselves. A few weeks into school, I realised that a boy who got my train looked JUST LIKE HIM. I told Brandon about him, and thought that I should get a picture to show Brandon. So.. I effectively started stalking this Brandon lookalike, trying to get a picture of his face. My efforts were proving futile, as the camera on my phone was a bit too shit, and let's face it. It's kinda hard to get a picture of someone's face without them realising. I decided that I could get his facebook, and just steal his profile picture or something. My friend Marion knows a guy called Will, who hangs out with said Brandon lookalike, so I asked her to ask will what his name was.
Marion reported back with two names. Chiha and Edmund. I added both of them, and Chiha responded much quicker than 'Edmund'. Somehow we started talking, and I told him about the whole thing with 'Edmund'. He just found it rather funny and told me that his real name was Lin.
Time went by and I forgot about getting the picture, after deciding that the resemblance of Brandon in Lin was minimal, but I kept talking to Chiha. It was just over facebook, and we discovered that we shared an interest in a few things.
Chiha was pretty alright. Oh. He's also in year 9.

So things continued, commenting, messaging, he even gave me his number wanting me to call him to 'prove' how awkward I was on the phone. (the subject had arisen in a conversation)
Of course I didn't ring it. I really do feel quite awkward on the phone as a lot of my conversation comes from observation. If the person on the phone isn't observing the same things as me, it's a little hard to sustain conversation.. We don't go to the same school obviously (single gender concentration camp schools :P) so we can't keep talking about things that happen at school or whatever ~
basically. I didn't call it.

Within a few days though, I texted him. About Lin actually;;
He said I should walk down the train and come say Hi and stuff.
I didn't. Fail.
But I don't reckon Chiha was very disappointed anyway.
Somewhere along the way, there was a train journey where we (Nicole, Arunjah and I) actually went to go sit with Chiha and his friends. It kinda failed as there was a lone traveller who took up the 6 seat. So we didn't sit in the same section as them, and so didn't talk. Apart from Chiha kinda shouting over to me that Lin would drug me and feed me to crocodiles if I ever tried to hug him :/
Conversation Attempt = fail
There was also another time when we had properly ARRANGED to sit with each other. Of course it's just my luck that my first train was cancelled so I ended up having to run for the train everyone was getting. I got to where Arunjah, Nicole, Chiha etc. were sitting, and it was literally like:

Me: "aah i'm so jumbo, I had to run for the train and I'm our of breath :P"
Nicole + Arunjah: " haha~ heyyy ~~"
Chiha: "Hello."
Me: "Hey ~"

*Silence*

Chiha: *turns to other friends and chats*
Arunjah, Nicole and I: *Ignored*

:|

Conversation Attempt 2 = fail.

Anyway!
PreeeeeEEEeeEeEtyy soon, Christmas came, and I actually considered Chiha my friend. Like a proper friend. Even if I hadn't really spoken to him >.>
I found myself in the dilemma of whether I should get him a present, like I did for all my friends. I thought considering we didn't actually talk, it would be a little strange if I randomly bought him something. So I wrote him a card. It was ridiculously nerve-racking. I mean wtf?! It's only a feckin' christmas card. I had the card in my hand. I was walking right up to him. Then we made eye contact and my legs kinda diverted me from insane embarrassment, and I never gave him the card. I felt so disappointed in myself. I think I still have the card somewhere actually D:

anywh0zerz. The holidays went by, and we got back to school. Ish. It was all snowy and the trains were fucked, so we couldn't really... go anywhere. On facebook, me and Chiha were having some discussion, which ended up with me agreeing to buy him maoams. I have no idea how this happened. Anyway, I got him the maoams, and planned to ive them to him on his birthday ((( Jan 6th))) but the trains were gay'd up i think. SO it didn't happen till the week after.
I kinda got up on the seat behind him and dropped them in front of him. The patted his head. He had bouncy, rather soft hair. How pleasant [Y]
From then on, whenever I saw him, I had the urge to feel his hair. Ruffle it a bit, and just hug his head >.<

There was a point when I was actually obsessed with texting him. It would be like:

*receives text*
*pounces on phone*
*IS IT FROM HIM?!*
*no.*
*whoever just texted me can fuck off then*

((it's still kinda like that. But less so (: ))
I would sacrifice sleep.

I still have about another two or three months to talk about.
Then I have to unload all my feelings and uncertainties.

I can do that tomorrow. I'll get as far as I can today. My eyes are getting tired ^^'

so. THEEENNNN ~~~
*thinks*

kay. Everyday, I would see him on the train platform, and I would have all these things in my head telling me to go and say Hi, and I would imagine what would happen if I did. Sometimes they were good, and we'd start talking like good friends, or sometimes they were bad, and it was all awkward. I wish wish wish I was brave enough to talk to him.
And like. I couldn't help but just WATCH HIM. and wonder if he even realised that I was standing right there.
Then one time at our destination station, I walked past him and deliberately bumped into him, and said sorry, but nothing else. He didn't EVEN NOTICE.
I was outraged.
And I felt so invisible.
And I felt like my existence was totally unnecessary and irrelevant andandand like he just didn't care AT ALL T.T

It was a sad day for me.

Then I went on my Spanish exchange and I missed him very much for some bizarre reason. And I texted him. Even though it probably cost me a bit.

okay. I'll continue with this in my next post.
I feel like if I try to continue now, I'll get lazy and miss out details ):

ciao ~x