So Like. I don't know.

So. I'm just going to type, and see where it takes us. Do a spell check, and post this darn thing.

I feel somewhat hopeless. I mean, what can I DO?! Nothing. That's what. Chiha is giving me rather a lot of emotional crap. But like it's not even anything too deep, it's just stupid. It's like whenever I talk to him, I turn into this stupid, brainless, fangirl. He'll always somehow make ME look stupid, or something I've said sound really bad. Like that one time he was all: " You're not as much of a gamer as I thought you were"
That made me feel so worthless, and just not good enough.
Yes, there are times like that.
But lately things have been turning around, and I've been having the upper hand. For example, that time, he didn't know that bees made honey from plants. He didn't know there are actually different types of honey.
We were talking about honey cake, because for some reason, he told me to call him that. Yes. Honey cake.

Him: " Honey cake is REALLY sweet >.<"
Me: " Well it depends on what kind of honey you use :)"
Him: " ...The honey that bees make."
Me: "but, what plant it's from :P"
Him: " bees makes honey from plants? woooaahhh"

I mean...REALLY?!
And that's just one example. There have been plenty of times when I really really doubt his intelligence. I'm now thinking that.. he is quite ignorant. And I just can't stand ignorance. But it's HIM. So it's okay.
(no, it's really not) says the voice in my head. I'm such a twat.

The worst thing is, I know that he doesn't even like me. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just the stupid year10/11 whos fun to flirt with.
I really, truly, do not mean anything.
I mean, take my birthday for example. His mother supposedly threw my birthday present in the bin when she was cleaning his room (he doesn't clean his own room. WTF) then he said he would give me a pack of banana crisps (korean stuff) but see, that never even happened :/

And then there's Jamie. Jamie likes him too, and tbh this unnerves me. She actually talk to him, and texts him as much, if not more than me. (This is a little off topic, but I found out that he texts the same things to both me and Jamie. I think he types out a text, and sends it to multiple recipients. I even thought that he was solely MY 'therapist' because we just kinda made that joke like a few weeks after we met. Apparently he's been using his 'therapising skills' on Jamie too. What a cunt. Him, not her. I feel sympathy for her, as she's fallen for his cold, shitty attitude too)

I mean I think about Chiha, and then I think about what I would truly want from a relationship. And he's not it. He's so insensitive and just downright.. SAGBWUHBRWBGIO'[j.

Yet, I still like him, very very much. And I feel like a snivelling child just for that. Jay hates him :') But the truth is, all I've ever wanted to do is to fall in love, and to be in love. It just seems like the most perfect state to be in. Of course it would help if the love was requited.

nevertheless. I don't want this whole blog to be about him.
So it's come to my attention that others seem to think that I'm fat, stupid and ugly. This is really disheartening, because, really, I didn't think I was THAT fat. I know I'm not uber skinny and stuff. I mean, I'm a size 6.
That would be really skinny to a lot of people. But idk.
I'm not stupid.
I know I'm not very pretty. Okay fine.

"Without you I don't have a place that's safe from all the monsters that hide in my head and keep me till dawn."

Oh Jesus, it's such a beautiful day outside. I wish I could go out and enjoy it. But Michelle's in Hong Kong, so that's kind of impossible.

Something really weird happened to me last night. There's this guy called Alex Tate, but people just call him Tate. But, he likes a girl, and I've had my suspicions of who it is, and last night, he confirmed my suspicions.
I shall now tell you why this was strange.
He is Chiha's friend.
I thought Tate didn't like me at all.
He acted fine and dandy towards me last night.
He said "aww".

This may not seem weird as I'm regurgitating it now, but at the time it was really weird. Maybe it was just really weird, because I was being paranoid and was convinced he hated me. I actually thought he hated me because he thought that I was cradle snatching Chiha.

Oh look we're talking about Chiha again.

Tate is my new friend. I shall wave to him next time I see him.

I just realised. Chiha didn't reply to my text about Jack Mannequin last night. Jay just wrote something on my wall about the Jacks Mannequin song that I recommended about it being fantastic. Chiha will see this. Perhaps Chiha will ~ get jealous ;D
although maybe not. Maybe he just doesn't give two shits, and that's why he didn't reply.


But whatever. I totally don't care. Obviously.

My mother has been acting really strange and hormonal. Like the other day she called me a slag and a tramp. We went out furniture shopping and my brothers and I were just standing around doing nothing. Chiha texted me, and said I should entertain him during his train journey to Oxford, as payback for waking him up with a text the night before. Fair enough, it meant he actually wanted to talk to me. I wasn't going to mess this up.

It was just my luck however, that my mother was feeling extra hormonal that day. I was mid-conversation with Chiha, and my mother decides to shout at me and tell me to 'stop harassing that poor boy' and that she thinks his family is probably getting pissed off with him constantly texting as well. Oh and my phone was just about ready to die due to lack of battery.
I'm ashamed to say this, but I started crying in the middle of Ikea.
My mother laughed at me.

So I guess I'm going to stop now.

We're hookers anyway. Just skin and bones. Good Hair. Good Clothes. And that's how it goes.